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What Would I Leave You With?

by Chad Perrone

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1.
Serenity 03:26
Serenity (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Stick to the script Stay in my lane Focus on my part And not all the other roles to play. Give me strength to listen Patience to find grace The words to express resentments and my role in them How will you remember me? What would I leave you with? How will you speak of me? What words would fall from your lips? How will I be missed? I will be much better than this. You caught me at my weakest Left me - as you should have For the sake of self-preservation I don’t want you to look back. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
2.
Doubts 03:18
Serenity (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Stick to the script Stay in my lane Focus on my part And not all the other roles to play. Give me strength to listen Patience to find grace The words to express resentments and my role in them How will you remember me? What would I leave you with? How will you speak of me? What words would fall from your lips? How will I be missed? I will be much better than this. You caught me at my weakest Left me - as you should have For the sake of self-preservation I don’t want you to look back. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
3.
Doubts (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) I don’t know where to start here It’s all been building inside me for days I’m too used to avoiding fears But what kind of life does that make? But then love wouldn’t come around here no more And I’d scream that it can’t be of my design for sure So let it go and let me stay Breathe in slow and just remain Because I don’t want to lose you now. I don’t want to go without I don’t want to lose you now Let me be ok with doubts. I’m already far ahead of myself Easy to see how I could make that mistake I want to control all the variables But what kind of life would that make? (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
4.
Smile 03:56
Ambulance Rides (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Ambulance rides at night Are a foggy memory Like a half-remembered dream. Or the bracelet gift with my name on it Then a lonely car ride home To self-destruct there all alone I can’t put enough space between myself and the horrors I’ve seen Or find the time to rest, give grace what little I have left And I’ve built up these resentments dear, from thinking you were more present here But now there’s nothing I can say to wipe away those days. So, what now? I’m learning to live with, but I can’t find forgiveness for free. Not with all the bridges I’ve melted and the hopes that I’ve left in debris. How could I let myself live happy? It’s the smallest things That bring me back again And the feelings are as if I never walked away from it. Like a car crash I re-live all the time Of a wreckage of a man Who just wants to be whole again. And I’ve built up these resentments dear, from not reaching out to pull you near Now I’m learning how to pray, but doubt gets in the way So, where were you then? How were you feeling when I was alone? You call me your friend, but I don’t think I know what that means anymore. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
5.
Smile (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Your hair falls just the way I remember Hard to believe it’s been two years, this December There’s something calming in your voice, The way you talk about your dreams and your choices Decisions to leave, hard to believe that we were almost something Your eyes light up with a spark when you talk about your life and your loves I don’t remember you being so strong, but it’s so fitting, love. Now look who you’ve become And look who I once was to you I won’t stand in your way; you seem better these days But I’m reminded of all the mistakes that I’ve made Just forgive me if I pretend once in a while That it’s me making you smile… All those secret nights we spent in my parent’s basement Locked in embrace, with your hands on my face - a quiet safe haven. You used to believe in us, regardless of how I acted I had your love in my hands, but I’m alone again How did this all happen? I should have loved you when I had the chance. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
6.
See Me Changing (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) I’ve been living inside this cloud A touch of grey, with strong shades of doubt You were sending signals from the ground But it’s too late to change course now. I never meant to let you down. No apology can save me. I didn’t see this all play out, And I can see how that’s crazy I’m sorry that you can’t see me changing. I’ve been living here in this town Ten years with sunken eyes until now. I never paid attention to the sounds Of a life worth living that was fading out. They say grace over guilt And I’ll repeat that until It flows through me And comes easy To remember without re-living. I never meant to let you down. It was always just the opposite really I just wanted to make you proud. But I’ve failed at that lately. I’m sorry you can’t see me changing. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
7.
Conversations With Ghosts (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) I spent last night yelling at ghosts still trying to decide which one I’m mad at most and this is how it all comes pouring out there’s no letting things drain slowly now I’m sadder than I let on to be made quiet peace with losing sight of dreams Each day playing out like a formulaic song One foot in front of the next, just follow along Don’t take your eyes off of me though I’m not doing anything Just know that I’m scared of failing you now, of losing somehow and though I’m not who I want to be please don’t take your eyes off of me And I’ll admit I need more love than I want but it’s dark inside and I fear that part of me is gone You don’t know the words I’ve never spoken or seen the scars to what will always be broken And that’s fine, I don’t need anyone to know me but it sure would be nice if I could love more completely I can’t change the horrors of things I’ve done but I’m working to right the ship, this battle has begun And though I might fail miserably, please don’t lose your faith in me. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
8.
All These Things I Choose (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) I’ve come to this conclusion As I sit here all alone I am my own worst enemy And I’m haunted by my own ghosts I didn’t think it would take this long To fall back in line again While you haven’t lost faith in me You will soon I bet Why is it that I never feel like who I want to be here in this life And then all these things I choose push me further away from being happy here with you. Now what do I do? I’ve never felt this sick or low I’ve dug down deep this time, my friend. Has everyone else found their way but me? I’m tired of feeling so different? Why is it that I always seem to fall behind where I want to be in life And then all these things I choose make it harder to see all these simple truths And just be here with you. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
9.
Take This For What It Is (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Do you ever find yourself missing me? Or has time done well to pull apart The feelings tied to memories Like light from a burned-out star? It’s this winding road I’ve traveled down I can’t expect you to understand But like I faded from your active concerns I’ve done well to redirect my plans So, I’ll stop wasting our time. But feel free to relive this once in a while I’m done pouring myself into this Just to watch you get drunk on all my hits and misses it makes less sense to stay - I can’t live life in reverie But feel free to remember me, and get lost in memories Did you think I’d always stick around? And just wait to make time for me? Convenience gives off an unpleasant sound And isn’t noticed if you’re not listening. I’m not bitter or lost in denial Just coming to terms with who I have been for a while. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
10.
Clean 04:08
In These Trying Times (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) East Broadway is nothing like it used to be like a prisoner in its own cell a ghost town with forgotten memories except I remember them all too well. Now the strangers pass on by me Keep your distance now they say But it feels like once there were courtesies Now long forgotten and gone away. Are you ok? Are you alright? Are you being safe? Are you getting by? Do you get lonely at night? We’re all just dying for some normalcy but has this all forever changed I don’t want to hear you say “unprecedented” just bring me back to when I can see (that smile on) your face Are you ok? Are you all right? Are you afraid? Because so am I. I can’t believe the things I found here lost in this mess And funny that it took all this for me to step outside of my head Are you scared In these trying times... Are you afraid? Because so am I... (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
11.
Penance 04:19
Clean (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Hide behind the words you write Do they match up with the way you wanted to leave this life This wears me down, these awful sounds How much would it hurt to show the love you want to keep around? If embrace came to shove, while I don’t know you, love I’m fine to put aside all the things we can’t agree on I find it’s better when I breathe Fill these lungs with what I can’t see You don’t know where I’m coming from And it’s fine to just believe There will be air to share when the morning comes And I’ll keep my side clean. These extremes play out for me Like a pendulum swinging from pretty to ugly. Have you ever found that some life was turned around From the vitriol that pours from your fingertips and mouth? I need to stop myself from scrolling the hate I’m dizzy and I’m overwhelmed, I’m losing faith Maybe it was always like this Or maybe… (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
12.
Being 03:57
Penance (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Will I always feel like I owe you something like I debt I’ll never repay? Will I ever find forgiveness for myself what amount of guilt will color this grey? Cause I find myself looking for substitutes wasting thoughts on what I can’t change But letting go seems too easy a task when there’s more penance to make. Need to stop myself from reacting to you like I would when I did yesterday Rewiring this brain hasn’t come easy and it shows in these choices I still make Now I find myself scared of losing you wasting time on things that I can’t change owning my part in life feels half the battle but there’s still more penance to make Please remind me to stop holding my breath just remind me to breathe Please remind me to start forgiving myself It’s in the blood, or so it seems. What will it be like when I wake tomorrow will you still look at me that way? Or will it move around like it always does I can’t seem to keep it all in place. Now I find myself scared of fooling you on believing I could ever change Maybe you’ve forgiven too easily there’s more penance to make. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)
13.
Day By Day 05:24
Being (music and lyrics by Chad Perrone) Do you think that you could love me So, we won’t be lonely If we stole away this story We could rewrite this ending. Maybe a comedy with heart Where you’d know the ending from the start we could walk away convinced That there’s a love like this. I was on the other side of a screen feeling sorry for myself You were there with your head in your hands silently asking for help. Turns out that you knew of my band from when you studied back in school Turns out that you stole my heart the minute I walked into that room. Now I can’t imagine life… So, do you think that you might love me Because I’m falling kind of madly. This is more than just a strange thing I’ve never felt this all so deeply. We’re a comedy with heart It’s been that way from the start Wouldn’t have it any other way I don’t care what those critics say. Now being is believing I’m sure there’s pieces here we’d change to make it easier on ourselves Fast forward to the part of this where we’ve run past heartbreak hill Or iron out details to smooth the wrinkles of these days But what little things would we miss in the troubles that we’d face Now I can only imagine life… So tell me that you love me. And that you’re always going to need me. Because I’ve fallen for you madly And this is all so surprising So tell me that you love this And that you could never leave it And even if you tried You’d fail every time. I’ll tell you that I love you. I’ll show you that I need you. And if we fail, though we’ve tried I’ll still be grateful every time. (Chad A Perrone, Chad Perrone Music, ASCAP)

about

Produced by Rob Griffith

Recorded at Ghost Hit Recording - West Springfield, MA
(with overdubs done at various home studios)

All songs written by Chad Perrone

credits

released September 22, 2023

Chad Perrone - vocals, acoustic guitar, piano, keyboards/synth

Rob Griffith - production, engineering, mixing, drums, percussion, programming, synths, vocals

Steve Belleville - bass, vocals

Lee Sylvestre - electric guitars, vocals

Dennis Carroll - piano

Andy Sorenson - electric guitars

Bobby Chase - violins, violas, string arrangement

Melodie Chase - cellos

Kit Karlson - keyboards

Chip Johnson - electric and acoustic guitars

Zena Kay - pedal steel

Lisa Piccirillo – vocals

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